This post is just going to be like so many of my other recent posts, a bland retelling of everything that is happening or not happening around here. Because most of it is so fatiguingly and tediously boring I’ll try to spice it up with a few funnies strewn throughout. I’ll let you judge if I’m even remotely successful.
Boring thing #1. Today I scooped doggy poopy. Two weeks because-of-us-feeling-like-doggy-poopy worth of doggy poopy. Two weeks worth of doggy poopy is a lot of doggy poopy, just in case you were wondering. You never have to wonder again. The mystery has been unveiled. The privileged information no longer enshrouded in a dark and foreboding cloak of secrecy. It really is a lot of poopy. You have it on good authority.
Boring thing #2. I cut back my plants in anticipation of winter’s interminable icy blasts of plant killing anger, what some like to call the stuff of “winter wonderlands.” While doing so I reached to grab one of said plants and instead landed my thumb in a glob of the evil and macabre doggy poopy. As if you’re not grossed out enough, it happened to be one of the freshest glumps of the whole nasty batch, I might add.
Boring thing #3. Went to Costco to return a box of underwear and for my husband to have his hearing tested because we were sure he was starting to go prematurely deaf. It’s never fun to return a box of underwear because one does tend to dread explaining to a perfect stranger what one does not like about this particular box of underwear. A person will do it though because nothing is worse than being stuck with 6 pairs of underwear that she really dislikes and will never ever wear because it seems that what comes up to an inch below a 5′ 11″ underwear model’s belly button, would probably by all appearances, just from holding a pair up and looking at it (them? It’s one pair of underwear but it’s a pair… so is it singular or plural? The question of the ages…), come up to approximately 3 inches above a 5′ 4″ person’s belly button. So a person is just forced to go back to the store and explain to the returns clerk why she is returning this opened box of underwear. She assures the cashier heartily that she absolutely did not try these on but can tell just to look at them that she would have to go on Ebay and try to purchase a certain medieval torture device in order to stretch out tall enough to ever wear that underwear. And since those are expensive and hard to come by and take up too much room in your average suburban home, it’s unlikely that she will be getting one any time soon. She then apologizes for the package being damaged beyond repair. The Costco returns clerk looks at her blankly as if to say, “Why are you telling me your reason for returning this underwear? I really don’t want to know.” The clerk silently issues a refund and the underwear returner then sheepishly slinks away.
Boring thing #4. Found out my husband is not going deaf. He’s been busily blaming it on too many rock concerts in high school and college for the last couple of years. It turns out that he just has a hard time taking his attention off of one thing he’s focusing on in order to hear and respond to his name being called from another room. I told him that this could be very dangerous in the case of a fire or something. But it’s good to know his Eustachian tubes are fully operational. (I love how that just made me think of the Death Star. And I even typed it in my mind in The Emperor’s voice…. Don’t ask… You’d have to be a Star Wars aficionado…)
Boring thing #5. I miss taking pictures. I haven’t gone out just to take pictures for a while now and I feel very boo-hooey about it.
Not boring thing #6. I made this fantabulous soup tonight. Go make it. (Pssst… you don’t have to use their store brand stuff! But you probably already knew that.) And the other day I made this super yummy pasta dish But on that one I didn’t use Rapini (because they didn’t have it at the store) so I chopped up some artichoke hearts and threw them in and OOOOhhhh… I wouldn’t make it without them. Really. These are both super good recipes.
Not so boring thing from yesterday #7. We had a doggy behavioral therapist here at the house. And let me tell you… I never thought I’d see the day when I employed the services of a doggy behavioral therapist. And I love it that now whenever we go to an off leash doggy park and Bruce is wearing his whites and playing cricket with his pals that he can casually discuss what his therapist was telling him the other day or what he learned about himself during a really deeply personal and searching session recently. And his doggy friends would pat him on the back and say, “Wow, Bruce. I’m so glad you are getting in touch with your past and are starting heal from the inside out. It’s so good to know that still happens….Check out that Poodle. Oww baby!… Ooh, hey… do you see that fire hydrant? I’ll beat you to it!” And he will run and frolic and live a downright jolly existence with toddler, man and beast alike.
No really, it was very good and very encouraging. We learned some really good training tips and techniques and he so readily responded, we were highly encouraged as was the trainer. I asked her whereabouts Brucie stood on the aggressive scale and she said, “Oh, he’s maybe a 2. He’s a great dog and I’m fully confident that all will work out beautifully!” So it was very encouraging. It is going to take some time and lots of commitment to training but we are in for it. We were very glad to hear that we were doing most everything right, just needing a little extra guidance. Would still appreciate prayers for success and for safety for our little guy as we continue training Bruce. Bruce is getting more comfortable with him but it can take several weeks or months to really make a full turnaround with adult dog behavioral issues.
And Not boring thing from yesterday #8. It was my four year old’s birthday! He doesn’t so much like being the center of attention on purpose… if it just so happens to happen he doesn’t mind a bit but being on the spot is awkward for him. I hate having Happy Birthday sung to me too so I know how he feels. It’s strange that this can be true of so many otherwise extroverted people. It must be a third child thing. He hid in his bedroom when it was time to open presents but when I said, “Oh well… I guess I’ll have to return them…” (which I couldn’t do because I made most of them!) he came back out in a jiffy and decided that opening presents wasn’t all that bad of an idea.
Okay… I’m a crustified sponge, a dessicated cactus… the puckered lips of a deyhdrated camel now that I have squeezed those last precious drops of boring information out on you. Suddenly I’m thirsty.