I wasn’t going to post today because my brain is fried. I’m tired. We spent the morning at the U.S. Consulate office doing legally binding activities like raising our right hands and making promises that we are who we say we are and things like that. That really takes it out of ya. Plus, I’m considering burying my head in the nearest pile of sand (that would have to be Moon Sand — which surprisingly is from hell, rather than the Moon. Who would have thought?) because tomorrow the weather is supposed to turn evil on us again. And I’m in denial.
But today, as usual, I went to Ree’s blog as I’ve done every day since May of 2006 and discovered that she is being really weird. She has gone off her freakin’ nut. She is offering a prize. A super duper cool, awesome, wonderful prize. And she is not making us name a picture. She is making us publicly humiliate ourselves all over again by making us post our most embarrassing moment in the comments section. And the, here’s where she goes weird on us, she will choose the winner randomly! Randomly. That means you don’t even have to be clever to enter… just clumsy enough to have a most embarrassing moment and sadistic enough to publish it to her more than 25,000 readers a day. Man, I love it when she goes off her freakin’ nut. “Why” you ask? “You already own a Wii do you not” you ask? It is because I like winning things. Even if they are duplicates.
So I scoured my memory for an embarrassing moment. The truth is, there are so many that it was hard to narrow it down but I settled on one and I decided that I’m such a glutton for humiliation that I would not only post it there but I would also post it here because I have nothing else to say (other than, I’m sick of winter and I hate snow and white is an ugly colorless color…. and I think you’re getting tired of that theme.)
So here is what I posted. Read it and THEN go over and enter Ree’s muy fabuloso giveaway.
I had a big fat crush on a super cute 11th grader when I was in ninth grade. Okay, so I had a big fat crush on about 7 other boys at the time too but they don’t matter right now. Only this particular boy matters in this story.
Aside from being paired up with him for more than one drama skit assignment in which we had to play boyfriend and girlfriend, we once had to stare at each other, in the eyes and say, “I love you” in a most convincing manner without laughing, cracking a smile or in my case, fainting and falling onto the cement floor, cracking my head open and dying right there in front of him.
He was one of those super nice guys that everyone liked and everyone secretly loved. I’m just sure of it. He was everybody’s friend. One day he told me, “You have the biggest apples!” which sounded really naughty but he was really and truly talking about my cheeks (remember that commercial? “How ’bout them apples?”) I was taken aback at first and probably, knowing me, punched his arm in mock horror. Though I always wanted to be tall and slender and slight, I have a round cherubic face as you can see in my profile image. Apparently he was impressed by the size of the apples of my cheeks. Ever after, he would always tease me and say, “Look at them apples…”
One day as I was leaving the cafeteria with a friend, he shouted this phrase out to me from a couple of feet away and I turned to giggle in his general direction when suddenly the floor was removed from beneath my feet. Or so it seemed. The floor had been freshly waxed and I was suddenly doing the splits, while wearing a short (not that short, people! C’mon, it was a private school!!) skirt. Never has anyone in the history of the world returned so quickly to a standing position from the splits (think how a pair of scissors would get back up off the floor if it was doing the splits).
My life ended right then and there. Temporarily anyways. Until drama class that day, that is. Could it have been the same day as the “I love you” assignment? I don’t remember.