So my choice was either to update my Facebook status line 15 times in a row or to just write a quick blog post that lets you in on just how my brain works by telling you some of my thoughts. It’s complex. Very complex. But when it makes its way into list form it just appears to be crazy. But I promise, it’s just complex.

1) I’m very tired of winter. Snow is pretty in December and maybe in January. In March it is evil and blinding and makes you want to dunk your eyeballs in a vat of liquid chlorophyll. And the only other color you can seem to find to contrast it is a dingy gray. It doesn’t help that it seems like the color white is a very popular color for automobiles, seconded only by the color…. you guessed it… GRAY! Someone please buy me a light therapy lamp right now. I’ll be waiting at my door for Mr. FedEx.

2) My dog stinks. He has “let one fly” more than 42 times since I started typing this post.  He is quite possibly the most flatulent dog the world has ever known.  I wish I couldn’t hear them well enough to count but unfortunately that’s not the case. They are very countable. Do they make Gas X for dogs? I guess he’s a believer in the old adage, “there’s more room out than in.” Please include a Gas Mask in your shipment of the light therapy lamp. Mr. FedEx will be getting a tip.

3) I’m very tired of winter in conjunction with my stinky dog.

4) My husband is going to go to a place where there is actually living plant life. And the temperature ranges from mildly nice to exceedingly nice to unconscionably nice. Meanwhile my boogers will freeze if I decide going out and checking the mail might be a worthwhile venture.

5) Facebook is like Dr. House. The verdict is still out on whether or not it is a good thing for humanity.

6) This story is my worst nightmare and always has been.

7) My dog has let one fly 17 more times since I last updated you.

8. What’s up with IAMS?

9) Or did he get ahold of a bushel of brocolli?  He loves brocolli.

10) I am sorry for how little I have blogged lately.  I couldn’t possibly explain all the reasons for the inactivity.  There are too many.  But don’t worry, I don’t think you’ve missed much.

11) I am a news junkie.  A complete and total news junkie.  I used to be a news junkie but then I took like… a five year break.  But then I got sucked back into the vortex of current events.  I’m trying to taper off again because I’m pretty sure it causes high blood pressure, lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, yellow teeth, dry scaly skin, brain aneurysms, jaundice, gout, bursitis, sinusitis, warts, arthritis, dry mouth and irritable bowel syndrome.  But it’s really hard to quit.  I think I need the patch.

12) Don Quixote is hilarious. I think it’s a remake of Napoleon Dynamite (never mind which came first.)  I cannot seem to read anything Sancho Panza says without doing it in my head in the voice of Pedro.  Go back and read it and see if you have the same problem.

13) I am about to mount a campaign to abolish laundry.  In a perfect world we would all wear earth friendly biodegradable clothes.  But wait… now that I think about it Adam and Eve… when they lived in a perfect world wore… well…. Hmmm….

14) All week I felt like an albino beet.  Have you ever felt like an albino beet?  It’s not a nice feeling.

15) iPods should tell you ahead of time that they are going to do the springing forward for you so that you don’t spring forward before going to bed.  Because if you do spring forward and then your iPod also springs forward, you wake up feeling like a strung out bunny and you end up standing like a zombie in your shower and your husband comes in and says, “Did you know that it’s 6:30?”  And you get really upset and start growling out some incoherent string of mumbles.  Then you blow-dry your hair and put your clothes on and get back in bed and sleep for another hour when your iPod goes off at 7:30 for the second time (but fifth if you count all of the times you pressed SNOOZE the first time it went off.)  I’m just sayin’.

Did you know that if you string all of those bolded words together into a meaningful clump it comes out like this:

A quick blog post that makes you want to dunk your eyeballs in a vat of liquid chlorophyll.  Please include a Gas Mask in conjunction with my stinky dog.  My husband, like Dr. House, let one fly 17 more times.  IAMS?  Bushel of brocolli?  Sorry news junkie.  Don Quixote is Napoleon Dynamite.  Abolish laundry like an albino beet.  iPods are like a strung out bunny in your shower growling out some incoherent string of mumbles. I’m just sayin’.

Which I think displays for you what I mean when I say, “it’s complex.”

20 thoughts on “Random Thoughts

  1. Haha, we have things in common, so I can sympathize! I’ve been sick of winter since December, my old black lab used to lay next to me and fart every time I got on the computer, and I’m also a news junkie and enjoy the articles you post on Facebook… “No Laundry in Heaven” should be a praise and worship song.

    Kila’s last blog post..Saturday…

  2. I still like your comparison to feeling like an albino beet. At first I wasnt too sure what you were talking about, until you explained it on Facebook.

    So glad I am not in a northern climate. We lived in Wyoming for litterally TEN MONTHS because neither my husband nor I could stand the cold and wind. Remind me to never do that again.

    On the other hand, check out my post for Tuesday..or maybe not. It will make you want spring even more…(oh, and there is a giveaway too).

    Screwed Up Texan’s last blog post..Homemade Marshmallows

  3. I hear ya, sister. Can’t even comment or my comment would be as long as your post 🙂 But I can say this, I enjoy reading even your random thoughts.

    Rita’s last blog post..The Cost

  4. Oh, I’ve missed your thoughts! You always make me smile, and laugh out loud.
    I could never have a dog, and there are many more reasons why not.
    Don Quixote-yes! Great story (are you reading the full version, or an adapted kids version?).
    Springing forward stinks like your dog’s bottom.
    Laundry? It truly is neverending. If I don’t laugh at my laundry problems, I will, well, cry. I’m glad you posted again!

    Christina’s last blog post..Losing and Winning

  5. Hey Nan,I feel for ya. My alarm clock has it programmed into it to spring forward for daylight savings, only I didn’t know it when I first got it. So, I too, got sprung ahead two hours instead of one! So cruel! Another time, some random day, in setting my alarm clock for work, I somehow bumped the time ahead by one hour. I showed up to work the next morning a full hour early. I sure impressed everyone, seeing as I usually just roll in on the dot.

  6. I’m at a significantly lower latitude and spring is just days away. (Assuming it comes this year. I have my doubts. It feels like winter is just going to stay forever.) I can’t wait. You just said everything I’m feeling minus the flatulent dog. I do have a stinky cat though. Does that count?

    Mindee @ ourfrontdoor’s last blog post..The Closet Fairygodmother

  7. Is an albino beet really just a turnip? Could I have saved words if I had just said turnip? Probably. But it wouldn’t have been as fun to say.

    Christina, I am reading the full version of DQ. It’s really funny. Much funnier than I ever imagined it would be.

  8. Thanks Nan…(!)…for turning your difficulties into side-splitting-laughter-causing!
    Love ya Sis!

  9. LOL to the bold at the end of the post all together. Whew, I had to get a breath after that!

    I live 5 miles from the horror in Illinois…we have friends who go there. It was and is bad. Somehow still God is till good.

    God, keep Nan’s pastor from any crazed gunmen, please.

    I pray the Fedx man comes often bringing you wonderful things.

    Good Yarns’s last blog post..Recipe for Pot Pie of Love

  10. I can so relate to so much there. I am getting tired of it being rather cold here too. It is 2:00pm and only 21 degrees today.

    I have also had to shovel at least an inch to 6inches of snow everyday since Thursday and its MARCH.

    Drove to church on Sunday without my Sunglasses and thought I might be blind by the time I got there.

    And my husband keeps talking about this trip he is taking to Atlanta for a preaching seminar without me. HELLO, Im sure the weather is going to be nice there and I will probably still have snow. UUUgh!

    lovelywife’s last blog post..Let Mikey, He’ll Try Anything!

  11. Nan, you are a nut! A creative one, but still a nut! And I love you! May your nuttiness continue! Enough exclamation points?

  12. LOL! I loved this post! See, you did it! What really got me giggling was the bold words in a paragraph! Hhahahah! Sounds like your husband, like Dr. House ought to quit eating IAMS… hahahaha! See, you’re still making me laugh!

  13. Ok, I totally agree with the entire winter rant.
    it was -30 here today, what is that all about!! And it snowed all weekend.
    BLAH, Green I want Green!!!
    suffering in Ab with you .

  14. Hey! I figured out how to leave a comment with only one cup of coffee in me! It was tricky though.

    I think the last paragraph alone would have made a great post, Nan. I like the expanded version above it, too.

    As much as I like things natural, I will take the laundry over going naked, thankyouverymuch. I am much too shy to shed all clothing, and I don’t really want to see anyone else naked either. No, not anyone! Well, dh, but that’s it.

    Wishing you warm weather and much green! Do you have some sort of indoor garden or garden show you can go to there? The Wichita Lawn and Garden Show was last week. It’s always a great place to go when the cold weather is threatening to hang on until August. Maybe you could just go to a garden center. Of course that involves getting out in the cold first. Maybe it would be better to curl up with picture books that have plenty of plant photos or illustrations. Whatever you do, do NOT read The Long Winter!

    Jenni in KS’s last blog post..For Sharper Photos and Self Defense

  15. Nan, you crack me up! Don’t worry, I hadn’t posted in a while either. I always keep checking on ya though! It’s a good thing you have such a great sense of humor to get you thru the winter up there! hee hee 🙂

    Danielle & Jeff’s last blog post..Whatever!

  16. No offense to the makers of Iams, but it’s garbage. The second ingredient is corn, which, being indigestible, is a major contributor to – you guessed it – flatulence. There’s lots of good dog foods out there with no corn and no wheat (which a lot of dogs can be allergic to). Do your stinky pooch and yourself a favor and ditch the Iams. The only reason anyone ever promotes that stuff as good for dogs is because they’re getting paid to. (Voice of experience here.) A good quality kibble should cut his gas problem down to a much more tolerable level. (Hey, dogs just like to let’em loose, there’s no avoiding it completely.)

    Jennifer Robin’s last blog post..Sky Watch Friday

  17. I actually clicked over from Bloglines to comment on the video of your boys bouncing on beds and singing….but I can’t find it now.

    What I was going to say was – I don’t think there is anything sweeter than hearing children’s voices singing praise. It warms my heart. (and cracks me up that they were jumping on beds while doing it!!!)

    Karmyn R’s last blog post..Counting Down To a Surprise….. **STICKY POST**

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