So my choice was either to update my Facebook status line 15 times in a row or to just write a quick blog post that lets you in on just how my brain works by telling you some of my thoughts. It’s complex. Very complex. But when it makes its way into list form it just appears to be crazy. But I promise, it’s just complex.
1) I’m very tired of winter. Snow is pretty in December and maybe in January. In March it is evil and blinding and makes you want to dunk your eyeballs in a vat of liquid chlorophyll. And the only other color you can seem to find to contrast it is a dingy gray. It doesn’t help that it seems like the color white is a very popular color for automobiles, seconded only by the color…. you guessed it… GRAY! Someone please buy me a light therapy lamp right now. I’ll be waiting at my door for Mr. FedEx.
2) My dog stinks. He has “let one fly” more than 42 times since I started typing this post. He is quite possibly the most flatulent dog the world has ever known. I wish I couldn’t hear them well enough to count but unfortunately that’s not the case. They are very countable. Do they make Gas X for dogs? I guess he’s a believer in the old adage, “there’s more room out than in.” Please include a Gas Mask in your shipment of the light therapy lamp. Mr. FedEx will be getting a tip.
3) I’m very tired of winter in conjunction with my stinky dog.
4) My husband is going to go to a place where there is actually living plant life. And the temperature ranges from mildly nice to exceedingly nice to unconscionably nice. Meanwhile my boogers will freeze if I decide going out and checking the mail might be a worthwhile venture.
5) Facebook is like Dr. House. The verdict is still out on whether or not it is a good thing for humanity.
6) This story is my worst nightmare and always has been.
7) My dog has let one fly 17 more times since I last updated you.
8. What’s up with IAMS?
9) Or did he get ahold of a bushel of brocolli? He loves brocolli.
10) I am sorry for how little I have blogged lately. I couldn’t possibly explain all the reasons for the inactivity. There are too many. But don’t worry, I don’t think you’ve missed much.
11) I am a news junkie. A complete and total news junkie. I used to be a news junkie but then I took like… a five year break. But then I got sucked back into the vortex of current events. I’m trying to taper off again because I’m pretty sure it causes high blood pressure, lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, yellow teeth, dry scaly skin, brain aneurysms, jaundice, gout, bursitis, sinusitis, warts, arthritis, dry mouth and irritable bowel syndrome. But it’s really hard to quit. I think I need the patch.
12) Don Quixote is hilarious. I think it’s a remake of Napoleon Dynamite (never mind which came first.) I cannot seem to read anything Sancho Panza says without doing it in my head in the voice of Pedro. Go back and read it and see if you have the same problem.
13) I am about to mount a campaign to abolish laundry. In a perfect world we would all wear earth friendly biodegradable clothes. But wait… now that I think about it Adam and Eve… when they lived in a perfect world wore… well…. Hmmm….
14) All week I felt like an albino beet. Have you ever felt like an albino beet? It’s not a nice feeling.
15) iPods should tell you ahead of time that they are going to do the springing forward for you so that you don’t spring forward before going to bed. Because if you do spring forward and then your iPod also springs forward, you wake up feeling like a strung out bunny and you end up standing like a zombie in your shower and your husband comes in and says, “Did you know that it’s 6:30?” And you get really upset and start growling out some incoherent string of mumbles. Then you blow-dry your hair and put your clothes on and get back in bed and sleep for another hour when your iPod goes off at 7:30 for the second time (but fifth if you count all of the times you pressed SNOOZE the first time it went off.) I’m just sayin’.
Did you know that if you string all of those bolded words together into a meaningful clump it comes out like this:
A quick blog post that makes you want to dunk your eyeballs in a vat of liquid chlorophyll. Please include a Gas Mask in conjunction with my stinky dog. My husband, like Dr. House, let one fly 17 more times. IAMS? Bushel of brocolli? Sorry news junkie. Don Quixote is Napoleon Dynamite. Abolish laundry like an albino beet. iPods are like a strung out bunny in your shower growling out some incoherent string of mumbles. I’m just sayin’.
Which I think displays for you what I mean when I say, “it’s complex.”